Not a good day

Had an emotional meltdown today. Missing my kids, feeling older, terrified of dying, lack of confidence in my job, mom and sister shunning me, what-is-the-meaning-of-life questions, etc. Yeah, real mid-life crisis, complete with sobbing and not wanting to get out of bed.

I finally got up and poured out my thoughts on video. I considered sending it to those I love, just to let them know what's up. Fortunately, I thought better of that and decided to wait at least one day. After I watched the video, I felt a little better, I think because I was able to view myself from the "outside." I went to work this evening (thank God I had only one class today), and now, 10:00pm, I'm feeling better, but still depressed. At least I'm venting a bit here on my blog.

I really thought I was going crazy earlier today. Time does have a way of healing wounds. Well, that and a Smirnoff Ice. After class I had a nice chat with a fellow teacher, and he assured me that this is a normal culture shock experience, and that it would pass. In my mind I already knew that, but it was nice to get the positive feedback that I wasn't crazy.

Hopefully my feeling won't be so overwhelming in the morning. I'll see if there's any truth to Scarlett O'Hara's thoughts about 'tomorrow.'